Has Your Personality Been Colored By Trauma?

How to Strip Away the Influence of a Painful Past

For thirty years, I told myself (and others) that I didn’t like talking on the phone. If it rang, I let it go to voicemail. I called it a preference. I told myself I was just someone who preferred face-to-face contact.

Then the Holy Spirit began to shine His light into my heart. I realized that what I had called a personality preference was actually old pain pushing me to protect myself.

Sometimes what we call personality is actually survival.

Personality vs Pain: Who Are You Really?

It is so easy to confuse trauma responses with personality traits. We may think we are naturally shy, guarded, intense, or “not a people person.” But often these are ways we learned to cope. Trauma doesn’t just happen to us, it happens in us. It wounds our hearts and affects how we interpret the world around us.

When emotional pain is left buried, we build walls. We avoid what feels unsafe. We live with a Fear of history repeating itself, so we stay away from anything that feels remotely connected to the original hurt.

If you don’t deal with buried trauma, you will probably see it taint your every day life. It can shape your decisions, relationships, confidence, and sense of calling. You may avoid good opportunities because they feel unsafe, or stay in familiar patterns because they feel less risky.

Why Time Doesn’t Heal (But Jesus Does)

Time can cover pain, but it does not heal it. You can bury a memory for years, but if the wound is still there, it can still affect you, often when you least expect.

Time passing doesn’t heal trauma. Jesus does. If you dislike hugs, crowds or talking on the phone; if you have a short fuse, feel numb, or get weighed down, the Lord wants to heal your heart.

True freedom in Christ comes when we let Jesus into the painful places we would rather avoid. Healing from emotional pain is not about pretending it didn’t matter. It is about letting Him meet you there and take the sting out of the memory.

Signs of Old Pain

Sometimes old pain is obvious. Sometimes it hides behind what looks like preference or temperament. A few signs to notice:

• A short fuse: small things trigger a much bigger reaction.
• Anxiety: especially in places like hospitals or when entering new relationships.
• Numbness: you don’t feel fully present, connected, or able to find joy in God.
• Avoidance: you keep away from certain situations or types of people.

These can be signs of old pain, not simply personality traits. Trauma can also open the door to the spirit of heaviness. It weighs you down and causes discouragement. If that’s you, our Lifting Heaviness course at The Heart Academy will lead you to freedom.

The Way to Healing

If you recognise any trauma traits, it’s time for a healing journey. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you why you react the way you do. Instead of dealing with the fruit, like fear or anger, ask Him to reveal and then heal the root. As He brings things to light, invite Jesus into those memories.

Reclaiming Your Destiny

Trauma tries to keep you small. It wants to keep you safe in all the wrong ways. But God has great plans for your life. If you want to go deeper, my book Let’s Talk About Trauma will help. You can find all our books on our books page.

If you can reach the London area, I’d love to invite you to Healed for Life on May 28-29. God will do a wonderful work in your heart and life, bringing restoration and refreshment. You can find the details on the website here.

Don’t let your past keep defining your future. You were not created to be led by old pain. You were created to be led by the Holy Spirit.

With love,

Jo